Please...

please help me...
I'm so tired...
I wanted to move to a country,have a simple life and school...just that...
i don't want to live at a city anymore...

SHE MAKE ME WANT TO F***K EVERYTHING!!

OKAY! SHE SHOULD KNOW THAT I'M SOO STRESSED NOW!!

To be honest,her time management and her decision skills makes me pissed off,this is because of that stupid dorm.She should get out of that stupid place!

It makes her have more friends,find love...but that place makes me hate it and her NOW attitude.Her time management is not correct,always doing homework last minute,always delaying.Sleep late,plays too much and stressing SMALL SOCIAL PROBLEMS!

And today,TODAY!! she make me so angry.I ALREDY CALLED HER 11.30,then when everyone arrived here at GM,I called her and....SHE'S STILL AT THE DORM.

So instead,I say 'Later we meet and buy the stock' .I'm tired of waiting.I'm tired of waiting for someone.I'm tired of being the first person to come.

I experienced the same thing...with her.She promised to have study group,but she never come...

She never come...

She make me wait,2 hours 30 minutes at the public library alone.

She doesn't care about me

So when I met her at school,she just say 'sorry' and continue to her 'laughing,happy' state.She doesn't feel guilty at all.

After all the lies I told my parents , 'I'm going to school',but instead I went to the library to do our study group,feeling so refreshed to teach her Science she never come.

It's better....it's better if I don't have any friends like when I was in  standard 6.

I DON'T NEED FRIENDS!!

I can't believe I'm crying because of a stupid human.

I hate how she makes her last decision,I hate how that dorm,that hell place that changes my innocent friend into some kind of 'hopeless-romantic,hopeless-social butterfly' girl that forgets her KPOP and ANIME.She's our (BFFYG) only otaku and nerd girl,but now she's some kind of popular girl that I hate now!

I DON'T NEED FRIENDS BECAUSE THEY ONLY MAKES ME MESSY!!
It's better if I focus on studying,watching anime like when I was in standard 6,it's much better that way...

i have to stay away from anyone...right now...

but one thing I learned,I would never trust her again.I don't care if she's reading this,but this is my true feelings.I don't like the way she motivates me,she should know that 'rough' motivation is not for everyone.She's a baka,she helps me,but from now on...I'm sorry,but I will not appreciate you anymore...

I wished for something...

I wish for something....I wish for something extraordinary!!
I can't believe I said that....

I'm the kind of person who doesn't want things to change,who doesn't want wish for anything,but there's this split second in my mind saying...

"I want something extraordinary"

I want adventures,mysteries....anything that I never experienced.Love triangles,receiving love letters....those things.

Everyday is the same,routine.Wake up at 7,shower and all,tuition,piano,school,got back home,shower,study,watch anime,sleep then wake back up.My life is so boring.

I want colours in my life.Something I've never experienced,something I never seen.My friend who stays at a boarding home...she's....so full of life.I admit she has so many social problems,but her life is coloured,unlike me.

I keep,locked inside a bubble.I interact with the same people.I'm satisfied of staying just there,flying in a narrow sky.But no matter how hard my friend is having her problems right now,she experience lots of things I don't.I want to experience feelings,but I don't know....

Comparing me and her,we are so different.She's a social butterfly and I'm introvert,I'm much comfortable socialising in the internet.She got guy fans,I don't.She's popular,I'm low profile.But one that that differs us the most is experience...

I may have more intelligence,more facts,more information than her,but I lack something that is called 'experience'...'social'...'emotional intelligence'.She suffers the same thing everyday,and I always wonder, 'was it that hard? can I really handle that emotions?' .It keeps bottling my feelings every time.

No,I never wish that I met the man of my dreams and something,I just don't want a man,I want something that is far more than normal...

Adventures,new things...I don't want routine....but will I be able to find it?

Weird BUT AWESOME survival dream!

Okay,I didn't go to school because uh..just don't.Since tomorrow is GOOD FRIDAY our school is in public holiday.SQUEELSSS! YES!

So for today's entry post I'm just gonna right today's dream.I sleep for about 10 hours today so my dream is kind of long.

   I dream something so weird and fantasy today.It start like this…

   I think I’m wearing my PRS uniform that time.I had this one enemy,a guy named ‘Hakim’.We said to each other, ‘I'll win this!”.If I’m not mistaken,it’s some kind of choral speaking competition.Hakim and I are both leaders of our own choral speaking group.

   At class,I was sitting alone behind and I mumbled to myself with a brofist, “die you hitam!”.Hitam is actually the group name of Hakim.Anyways,there’s two girls in front of me who are from the group hitam.One I know,one I didn’t recognise.The girl I recognised is named Anas Najwa,from my primary school.She whispered something to the girl I didn’t know beside her,glaring at me meanwhile.I was a bit nervous and said, “it's not you guys...err it's Hakim…” just not trying to pick a fight.

   So it’s the choral speaking time! I kinda recognise the place.It’s at my school and we were under a blue and white canopy.Team Hitam (Hakim) perform their choral speaking on the balcony while I just look at their super boring choral speaking.Then it’s my group turn.We just did on the ground,not the balcony.But as a leader I sat at one of the chairs and watch my group perform in victory.One of my best friends I knew,Khairunnisa is some what the leading girl in the choral speaking group.Two people danced as crane,the others perform choral speaking with their heads following the high and low wave of the voice.I don’t know if I win,but there’s this moment where Khairunnisa glared at me and her hand is asking me to come in front now.

   I thought I need to come in front because I’m the leader,but sadly Khairunnisa whispered to me ‘read PRS pledge’.I nodded and took a brown notebook next to me,which is on a chair.I said, ‘Ikrar,sedia untuk melafa..baca ikrar’ I said that nervously.I read the pledge terribly and at the last line of the pledge it was somewhat like german ‘ops nigt thie’,something like that.Everyone didn’t follow me that much and everyone is looking at each other,questioning what the hell is going on.At the first two lines I accidentally read pledge for prefects but I went on and read the third until the last lines which is PRS ones.What I’m embarrassed about is Hakim my enemy is just looking at me weirdly.

   Pn Zaleha,my school discipline teacher drag me out from the in front stage after I read that terrible pledge.She lectured that it’s the worst reading ever.And so she checked the last line of the ikrar,which sound like the german thing.She sigh and said, ‘technical errors’.I grabbed my schoolbag.

   After that Pn. Zaleha drag me to a white coloured door,put me there and close the door.I’m dumbfounded and saw a woman,kinda old.Black clothes with some kind of wand on her hand. “Ah! It’s you dear!!” she said and suddenly drag me to a room.

   I don’t know what happened after that but I do know there’s 4 gentleman in there who’s very very handsome (i think they were from AMNESIA anime) .The woman in black clothes never introduce them,but the 4 handsome gentleman served me like they were my butlers (is what I think of).I think I stay there for a long time.I was in a room,trapped.I shut the door and locked it.The woman in black clothes bang the door screaming, ‘GET OUT BITCH!!!’.I was so afraid.I think I was naked that time.So I wear my clothes and search my missing things.My phone,iPod everything that was on my bag.Also,all of my belongings are kept separately so it was hard.I found my pink canon pix camera on a pink box though (thats what i remembered).The room was messy so I kinda found my phone on my messy bed.I know that time I was panicking,I don’t know where my other things are,more importantly my flight ticket to Japan.I was about to cry.Then I heard the other 2 handsome gentleman’s voice saying ‘please get out miss’ and another saying ‘even if you get out we will kill you.There’s no weapons there’.Then I just remembered I’m going to get killed.

   I search for a weapon on that room but no…But theres’s two cologne spray on the room.One is orange scent and one is sakura scent.I took the orange scent,grabbed all my things and took a deep breath.Slowly I unlocked it and opened the door around 4 cm only.Then I spray that cologne right on the gentleman’s eye.Another gentleman beside him is panicking and I quickly spray on his eyes too.He screamed in pain and close his eyes.I ran and inside my heart screaming ‘I have to get out of here!’.I successfully got out of the white door and from outside I heard the woman in black screaming, ‘WHAT?!’.At that time my hair was so messy.I giggled then laughed like a psycho,thinking i’m crazy.With my things and the cologne i left there,I walk to some kind of colourful amusement park,and I walk like a drunkard.

   “I SURVIVED!!” I screamed and the public looked at me as thought I’m a psycho.

SECOND DREAM

   I think at this time I’m not psycho anymore,but beautiful.My lips are red but my skin is pale.My hair is longer than my butt and it’s black is shinier than before.But i had this sad lonely eyes and face.At this dream I have one little sister who is a cheerful girl.My little sister said,

   “I want to go back to the white door,retrieve your Japan ticket and saved my boyfriend in there!” she said.I furiously and angrily looked at her,with a monotous voice,I said ‘Don’t you dare go there,you can’t escape’.She didn’t listen to me and went to the white door and opened it.Then enter.Me,who was hiding behind a oil palm tree look at the white door with fear and remember everything about the nightmares i had on that door,beyond that door.

   I know but at this second dream my little sister is more braver.She carried a long wand.The woman in black which I feared invited inside with a smile.My little sister keep her brave face on and every time she went on a door she hit her wand on a purple diamond and changed it to orange colour which is at the side of the door.

That's all coz...it's really long.

Imma gonna go take a shower (even it's 4:22 p.m.) lol

   

   

It's AFTER Midnight!!

Oh My Gosh! I cannot sleep! It's almost 3am...I got dance practise tomorrow! Also my Japanese Choral Speaking!

YADDA!!

I gotta admit Miku,my cat is solo energetic she claws the floors so loudly,but I don't blame her! I don't know why I can't sleep! I'm so stressed if I don't have enough sleep or anything.

Plus,I gotta wake up at 9,and it's not my favourite time.My favourite waking up time is 11 an above.Don't tell me girls need to wake up earlier,cause I don't care! I perfectly needs 9-11 hours of sleep,and if I'm under that I'll surely be sleepy... *sigh

I don't know what things that would make me sleepy.Also,my chest area is itching and I'm on my period,but that's not the problem.I open my clothes and my bra and saw white spots and it's red all over my chest.It's so itchy I couldn't stand it! I don't know if that itch cause my 'wakiness'.I smeared green oil all over it as if it's a lotion,hoping it works.After 3 minutes,the itchiness went down a bit,but right now,I still can't sleep!

I go to wikihow and googled 'how to sleep fast' and whatever that is.But seriously,it's all the same thing,read boring books,watch boring things and etc..But I don't know what's boring to me, I don't know myself to be exact.

So about the itch thing,since it's 'calm' down a bit,I decided not to wear my bra and pyjamas and decided to wear something loafy and wide and not tight.At least some air went inside,hoping it would doze me to sleep.

I was still hoping I can sleep now,but it's already...see...it's 3:01am now...and don't laugh,I always count how many hours I sleep everyday,cause I LOVE SLEEP!! And if there's an alarm I always snooze it off cause I'm just too tired.

Oh yea,I'm not really excited for dance practise tomorrow.It's not that i don't have any friends anyway...I'll be lonely again...

AGH! Stop with that lonely whining thing,coz it's not really my thing...yea...

not...really...my...thing....

The itchiness thing though,I decided to ignore it since it always happened to me,but mom and dad didn't care about it even if I told them million times it's itchy,it's alright,one day it'll all disappear...

That's what I thought...

Surgery Yesterday....

oh mann...

I had a surgery yesterday.MC for 3 days tho....

いったい!!!

And I had some kind of neglection at school before my incident too yesterday.So,it was a good thing I didn't come today...I feel slightly embarassed about it.It's true I had some problems,but there are some problems I cannot say...

Anyway,some people didn't believe I learned Japanese language,so Im here to prove you I can make a Japanese language paragraph.,.

わたしはヌルシャズウェナロスヂです。わたしはかラングからきました。わたしはマレーシアじんです。にほんじんではありません（；￣ェ￣）わたしはアニメとマンガがすき。スぽつがすきではありませんでもきゅどがすきです。ボリングをありませんでした。えっと、わたしのともだちわほんとにほんとにだいすきです!!!!

Im sory guys,had enough :/

hangoutttt

im eatinggg pizza withnmy best friends

byee XD